First Flavours.

Another lifetime ago, I was in a very different place to now. But on the 9th March 1995, the life I care to remember, started when my Son was born! And last Friday he turned 17!

And so last week was a time of Dawning Realisation that the uncomfortable feeling that I've been burying deep down in my sub-conscious over the last months is the knowledge that I am having to let go of a part of motherhood.

Matthew is a young man, he works hard as a carpenter and joiner in a full-time position, he is earning  his own money, he is level headed, sensible and focused. He has a good set of like-minded pals, a steady girl friend and, if the truth be known, I don't see much of him nowadays. After work, he goes to his Girlfriends or to a Mate's house or to the gym and now he has started driving lessons. So we often don't eat together anymore. He works on a Saturday morning and the rest of the weekend, he spends winding down and doing what young men do to have fun!

However, it was only last week that  I understood for the first time that I have lost a part of him, that he is no longer completely reliant on me and Rob, and that his life is taking him in a different direction in which he is carving out a path for himself that doesn't include me.

I see now that I have been suppressing my feelings around this, fooling myself that I wasn't affected and telling myself and anyone that would listen that Matthew and I have a close relationship where he tells me everything!

This emerging comprehension  eventually came when, after expecting Matthew to leave work at lunchtime and let me buy him lunch for his birthday, he told me he was going to work instead.
Although I didn't know it at the time, I was hurt by this and reacted by having an argument with Matthw accusing him of preferring to be at work than be with me!

Of course, that was a completely irrational accusation and based entirely on my opinion rather than fact and now I know it came from my feelings of rejection and powerlessness that my little boy is so independent.

Of course, Matthew's independence has worked for us in so many positive ways. We are saving money now where Matt is paying us (minimal!) rent rather than us paying him the pocket money which we were doing this time last year.

If he wants something, he buys it, clothes, games, phones, food etc...! So, Financially, we are much better off.

Also, over the last year, Matthew has matured so fast. He is happy and I don't have to worry about how he is getting on at school or getting him up to go or nagging him to find a job.

He has a job for which he rises at 6.45 every day and then cycles off for a 9hr day and he enjoys it!

So, I can see, and maybe it is obvious, that it has been easy to fool myself into believing that I was coping well with Matthew's thriving maturity. I'd even fooled myself into believing that Matthew wasn't really going to miss us when we do move away towards our life of self sufficientcy.

So, I initiated this argument which I now so clearly understand was based on my mixed up emotions. Matthew argued back and we fell into a DCM (a Deep Meaningful Chat, as Matthew later called it!)

It was then that I was able to acknowledge to myself and to Matthew that I am actually finding his gradual moving away from our family unit hard and upsetting. Matthew, in turn, acknowledged that he is worried and sad about us moving away from him.

I need to add here, that it is Matthew's choice not to join us in our quest for a Bohemian life free of the constraints of materialistic values. I'm not sure it would suit him at this stage in his life anyway. He enjoys being a young man with all the material things it involves at his age and I don't want to deprive him of that. I know he shares my values and beliefs deep down but I am not going to ask him to leave behind the life he knows and enjoys , in pursuit of something that is our dream. We have travelled a long path to understand our true vocation. Matthew's path is his own, it is not my place to yank him off it. He has his own rite of passage to experience but he knows where I will be whenever, wherever and however he needs me, and maybe one day, when he is ready, he may join us.

There were tears, hugs and long silences as we reflected and understood how we were both feeling, and after a couple of hours, we had agreed that we would go for coffee on another day and had reassured each other that we will be honest and talk openly about our hopes and concerns for  the future and encourage each other in our quests!

So, that was my First Flavour of  that "empty nest syndrome" that I have heard can feel so hard. It was my First Flavour of letting go of my little boy.

In the same week, my little girl (she is still my little girl) gave me the first flavour of her blossoming independence. She walked home completely by herself after going to the park after school. We live over half a mile away along a busy road, so this is, I believe a big First! In fact, I think I coped with it better than Rob, who seemed very anxious and reflected that he is seeing his little girl growing up and it is an alien feeling.

Having just gone through that feeling with Matthew, I was able to completely relate with Rob who I believe is going to find Bleu's getting older a whole lot harder than I have with Matthew!
Fathers and Daughters - it's a complex relationship, and these two have an extremely strong bond and unique connection of which I am not a part.

But that is for a whole other post!

So these Firsts were unsettling and thought provoking, but I have pondered them as I have pulled on my running trainers for the first time in 2012. Taking my first tentative strides into a run, I felt that familiar feeling of satisfaction and space to think which I filled with thoughts about Matthew and Bleu growing up.

For a long time, I wanted to conceive a third child. After three years, it was like I had an epiphany. It occured to me that I didn't really want a third child, that I was content, at peace and blessed with the family I have. I believe I didn't really want a baby, but that I wanted my children not to grow up. I didn't want another baby, I wanted them back as babies.

At that moment  my thought processes changed, and I started to embrace their journey through childhood which I continue to do. I am so Proud of my kids and often wonder how I got so lucky!

Away from Family, I experienced the first pangs of sadness at leaving my career behind and the first twinges of anger that I am having to. Over the next week, I finish with the organisation I have been with for 4 half years and although I will still be staying within the Health & Social Care Field, I am leaving behind my role as an Addictions Counsellor. I was forced to make this decision many months ago so it suprised me when I felt a Heavy Heart, although I know that reflects the difficulty I feel about saying goodbye to clients with whom I have formed therapeutic relationships and for whom this ending will also be difficult.

My frustration at the situation that has seen me take this decision to leave has led to a feeling of anger at how this is going to effect the lives of my clients.

For this reason, I have taken the decision to write a letter to  my local paper and to my local Member of Parliament who just happens to be David Cameron, Prime Minister.

I hope I will be able to report back on positive replies.

Next week, I start my first week in a new role which I am very excited about, working with people with Early Onset Dementia. So I am sure this will bring a whole new perpective into my life.

So with the last week of Firsts, I imagine, the next few days will consist of some Final Farewells, some difficult, some not so.

I hope they will not all be Final Farewells however, and look forward to a day when I can go for a coffee with some of the wonderful, resilient, strong and remarkable people I have worked with in this role. Individuals who have taught me humility and patience.

I have been very Lucky to have had the opportunity to do this work, and although I am sad to leave, it has taken it's toll on my emotional health so I know it is the right thing for me.

My experiences have been many and varied and I have met people who I  would never have met had I not been given this chance. Amazing, Inspirational and Kind indiviuals who I am so proud to have known.

This post is dedicated to them and their recovery; and to My Beautiful Children and their aspirations.

MAY THE SUN CONTINUE TO SHINE, SPRING CONTINUE TO SHOWER US WITH HER GIFTS , AND THE WARMTH GIVE US ALL STRENGH TO BECOME MORE FULFILLED.

Jenx

Womens Work

Today is International Women's Day. A day for us to consider how different our lives are to those women in the developing world.

Women carry the bulk of the burden when it comes to poverty - literally.

In countries throughout Africa and Asia, women carry, on average, 20kg at a time in water and firewood - the weight of the standard airport luggage allowance.

Walking for miles to collect basic necessities is a responsibility which usually falls upon women and girls. Tasks which take seconds in the UK can mean backbreaking work in poor communities, preventing girls from attending school and women from paid work.

This comes at a high cost. In some countries, a girl is more likely to die in pregnancy or childbirth than finish primary education.

All across our global community there are women struggling in a harsh and unforgiving climate of hostility, fear, mistrust and insecurity.

 Women and girls across the world are denied choices and opportunity on a daily basis due to poverty and discrimation.

They are treated like second class citizens and denied the freedom that we take for granted.

This is not acceptable in 2012. We must act to stop this betrayal of humanity. We must ensure that Human Rights prevail and that Justice, Fairness, Freedom and Truth are not denied.

We must not allow anyone or any being to suffer cruel and inhumane treatment at the hands of regimes or individuals who seek to control, stifle protest and target dissenters.

We must strive for social change that resists the establishment when it exploits and promotes harm to Any individual or sentient being and betrays their trust.

As any readers to this blog will know by now, my passion lies in promoting a change in attitude and beliefs towards the way we treat our fellow creatures with whom we share this planet. I believe that we cannot stand back and witness cruelty to animals anymore than our forebears who worked for the abolition of slavery and other blatant injustices such as aparthied and torture, and those who work to combat the appalling suffering endured by women, children, and indeed men, all over the world.

So,  although I invest my energy and concentrate my focus on campaigning for a revolutionary approach to overthrow the systems that enforce a lifetime of agony and frustration for animals, my compassion is not limited and myself and my family sponser, through PLAN UK, a young girl from Senegal. Her name is Awa and she is 12 and lives with her mother and father and 2 siblings. Her mother was 16 when she married her father. Awa does not go to school because her parents do not think that it is important for her to do so.

We support Plan's "Because I am a girl" campaign which aims to support four million girls in developing countries to have more choices about what they can do with their lives and to move from a life of poverty to a future of opportunity.

"Currently, 75 million girls around the world are being denied the right to an education, every year, 10 million girls in developing countries are coerced or forced into marriage under the age of 18, with thousands of girls each year giving birth when they are still children themselves"

From Plan's Wesite: http://www.plan-uk.org/

Free Speach is a basic Human Right and those of us who are blessed and have the right to Freedom of Expression need to exercise this right and stand up for those who are Oppressed.

So, today on International Woman's Day, March 8th 2012, do something to raise awareness for those women, for whom survival is an uphill struggle.

£100 can help build a water pump close to a poor community, saving a girl's gruelling daily walk and giving her a fighting chance to fulfil her potential.

This is Annie Lennox, a woman who I believe is one of the greatest campaigners of Woman's rights of our time. Her focus, energy and commitment is palpable and she is definately a most Inspiring Individiual. Annie Lennox deserves nothing less than the utmost respect for her pioneering and passionate work.

She is an Artist and an Activist, two qualities that I admire and strive to be. She is dedicated and dignified in her campaigning and that's why she is the UN Aids International Ambassador, Global Ambassador on Women's issues for Oxfam and Leader of the EQUALS coalition which is a partnership of charities lobbying to end gender inequality.

Annie Lennox saw the huge discrepency in woman's rights in Africa and knew she had to do something.  Her achievements are many and she has drawn public attention to the plight of women and children who endure chronic and endemic poverty. She campaigns against the disempowerment of women and for their right to access basic healthcare in a world where HIV and Aids are the biggest killer of women.

After reading this post, please watch this interview with Annie Lennox on BBC News
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-17305262
and feel her passion, anger, frustration and above all desire to keep working for change.

She is ONE TRULY AMAZING WOMAN!

(oh, and one more fact before I finish which I feel I have to add.........................at the end of the above interview, Annie Lennox gives us the following fact: 
In the western world, we spend 3 times MORE on BOTTLED WATER than we do on Development Aid....
Now that's something none of us should be proud of)

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMAN'S DAY TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL WOMAN OUT THERE, MY FRIENDS HERE IN PERSON, AND THOSE OF YOU IN  BLOGASPHERE LAND! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING, ARTISTIC AND PASSIONATE AND TOGETHER WE CAN BE THAT COLLECTIVE VOICE FOR CHANGE!

Recipie for a Daily Diet of Happiness!

I have finished work early today because I am starting to wind down in preparation for leaving a position I have been in for nearly 5 years. I feel a mixture of sadness and excitement for myself but I feel a great deal of worry for my clients with whom I have developed effective working therapeutic relationships and for whom this ending will be hard and unsettling.
Many of my clients find it hard to see anything to smile about. They feel there is nothing to feel joyful about and feel that they may never climb out of the black hole they are in.
These people are remarkable individuals with so much to offer and I strive to help them release that potential. I hate to see anyone in pain but I know there is only so much I can do, the rest is up to them. We all have to take control of our lives, not matter how huge the obstacles in our way are. Much of the time, our perception of the challenges we face are far greater than the actual reality, but we are scared to step out of our comfort zone so we go round in the same old cycle of pain and self destruction. Our opinions are not based on fact but we fool ourselves into believing them and so we never actively do something different to test our theorys.
Much of the time, our mental health affects us so greatly that we are consumed with negative emotions such as anxiety and depression which stand in the way of us being able to function properly, think clearly and make changes that can ultimately only help increase self esteem and self belief.
I see people stuck in this rut all the time, and it is sad, frustrating and heart breaking.
But I truly believe that if we can all just incorporate 1 of the activities below in our lives daily with the goal of increasing them, we can lead a better quality of life. I know, I'm living proof that it works! and I know because I have seen my clients slowly recover as they put these small challenges into place.

Here are a few thoughts gathered from my own experiences and other sources about how we can all enhance the quality of our lives and make the most out of every moment we are blessed to be given!

• Walk for at least 20 mins every day and SMILE!

• Sit quietly for at least 10 mins every day

• Write down a list of your goals each night for the next day. This can help you to feel organised which frees you from that feeling of not knowing where to start!
• Listen to relaxing music, it is good nourishment for the soul

• Dance!
• Live the 3 "E's" - Enjoyment, Enthusiasm and Empathy
• Tap into your Silly Self and make your kids laugh!

• Read thought provoking, interesting and life changing books
• Look at the sky at least once daily and appreciate the majesty of the world that surrounds us

• DayDream!

• Eat more Plant based foods
• Eat less manufactured foods
• Drink plenty of water
• Eat dinner as a family and make a toast every day to something good that has happened that day
• Try to make at least 3 people laugh every day

• Don't spend your precious time immersed in negative thoughts or things beyond your control. Instead, concentrate on what you can change. It is better to invest your energy in the postive present
• Life is a school and we are here to learn. Problems are lessons that come and go. What we learn from them will serve us for the rest of our lives
• Always eat breakfast to give you energy to face the challenges the day may bring. FOOD IS MOOD!
• Elimate clutter in your home and let a new energy enter your life
• Smile and Laugh More Often

• Do not let the opportunity pass to Hug a Friend

• Life is too short to waste time hating someone
• Don't take yourself too seriously, No one else does!

• Make peace with your past, so as not to ruin the present
• It's not neccessary to win every argument. Assertiveness is about being heard not gettig what you want.
• Don't compare your life with others. You have no idea of the highways they have travelled during their lives. Walk in their shoes before commenting!
• Nobody is responsible for your happiness except yourself
• Remember that we have no control over what happens to us, only what we do
• We cannot change how someone else behaves, only our reactions towards them.
• What others think of us is not completely under our control. We cannot be liked by everyone!
• Learn something new every day, a new word, a new fact, a new activity, a new song etc...

• Appreciate your body, it's marvellous
• Remember, hard times WILL pass. Situations WILL change
• Stay in touch with Friends. They will always be there for you.



These are my 2 OLDEST Friends!! Pen is on my left and she is the photographer responsible for the photos in this post and for many of the pictures in previous posts! Rach is on my right and she has the MOST adorable 2 little girls!

• Reject everything that is not useful, beautiful or amusing
• Don't loose time. We already have all the things we need
• Don't be afraid to Cry. BE EMOTIONAL, it's good for you!


• The best is yet to come

• Do something for someone EVERYday


• Each Day, before going to sleep, Acknowledge something postive that has happened that day
• Remember, we have too much that is good to be stressed

 

• Your health is your most important gift. Look after it
• Don't miss the Beautiful

• Enjoy the voyage. There is only 1 chance to be successful
• Life is beautiful, You must appreciate it as much as possible
• FEED THE BIRDS!

• Have a wonderful journey!

Children, Changes and Choices.

This is a picture of my daughter whose zest and joy for life melts my heart and lifts my spirits every day.
Bleu has a beautiful energy that radiates from her in every moment. She is a perfect example of the importance of living in and for the moment and I often wonder at her spirit of play and contentment.

This is my son who also has an impressive engergy and passion for life and of whom I am immensely proud.
Matthew turns 17 next Friday and I can honestly say he has grown into a self reliant, quietly determined young man with a streak of the ridiculous! His tenacity and dedication to his job and future career is nothing short of incredible and I hope he will never loose his focus.

I hope that both my Children have a deep down sense of self which comes from always knowing the unconditional love of their family.

This is my husband who, as I have mentioned many times in previous posts, holds us all together with his love, protection, guidance, judgment and perspective. He offers us all a firm, supporting hand and a warm heart and strives for us all to be comfortable and happy. Rob is determined to enjoy life even though he is presently stuck in a job which can sometimes drain him of his hopes and dreams.  However, a weekend soon fixes that and Rob will once again display the drive and dedication that enables him to make the most of what he has here and now. He is a good and loyal husband and father and We are a very lucky family, and I hope a unit that is so tight, it is unbreakable.

Alot of things are changing for us as a family right now and it has been unsettling for all of us. Bleu and Matthew appear to have remained rather unaffected but it's difficult to believe that, on some unconscious level, they are not a little anxious.

Both our house and narrow boat are up for sale, and we are really just playing a waiting game now which we hope will happen by Summer.

So, my journey since starting this blog, has always had this end goal in site, and we are at the half way mark now!

Our goal is to buy an exsisting boarding kennels which we can love and nurture and make into a profitable, ethical and comfortable business so that we can concentrate on living and enjoying life. We aim to become self sustainable and to really live as simple a life as is possible as I have described in past posts.

We would like to make enough money to have the essentials and feel comfortable but we aim to concentrate on our other skills to achieve self fulfilment. Rob will make his pottery and I will concentrate on making the world a better place for our fellow inhabitants, and making part of our home, an animal sancturary.

So, our family unit is about to tested in a way it has not experienced before. But I know we'll make it and become stronger. There is so much about our old life that I will miss, so the challenge will be to make our new life as full and enjoyable as possible so that the pain of what we have left behind becomes manageable.

Family helps us to make clearer choices. Obligations become clearer and there are huge responsibilities. However, those responsibilities need not be an obstacle to creativity. In fact, we have realised that the discipline of nessecity is a Very good creative spur.

So we are moving forward into the unknown. Something that we have wanted to do for so long, but until now, the time never seemed right, it wasn't right for our Kids.

Now though, the time has come to focus our responsibilities and obligations on making something sustainable and creative, which will benefit our children and give them a legacy of 2 parents that feel so blessed and amazed each day at the wonder that is Bleu and Matthew.

Follow the journey here!

Kind Considerations

"If you have Food in your Refrigerator, Clothes on your back,
A Roof Overhead and
A Place to Sleep

You are Richer than 75% of this World

If you have Money in the Bank,
In your Wallet and
Spare Change in a Dish some Place.....

You are among the top 8% of the World's Wealthy

If you Woke up this Morning with
More Health than Illness.....

You are more Blessed than the Million who will not Survive this Week

If you have never experienced the danger of Battle,
The Lonliness of imprisonment,
The Agony of Torture,
Or the pangs of Starvation.....

You are ahead of 500 Million people in the World

If you can attend a Church Meeting without
Fear of Harassment, Arrest, Torture or Death......

Your are more Blessed than Three Billion people in the World

If your Parents are Still alive and  married......

You are Very Rare

If you Hold Up your Head with a Smile on your Face
And are Truly Thankful.....

You are Blessed because the majority Can
But Most Do Not

If you can read this.....

You are more Blessed than over
Two Billion people that cannot
Read or Write.

Have a Good Day and Count your Blessings"

This is an edited extract of a message I was sent while I struggling, perhaps to remind me that, although my "issues" are relevant, They are of little relevance in the grand scheme of things.

And while messages like this "could" send me into a great hole of despair, they don't because I have support and love in my life which stops me from focusing on what I can't do, and encourages me to concentrate on what I CAN do!

I find the world a painful place, full of destruction and greed.

But I know there is also hope and goodness, and it is those Positive Forces that I am exposed to Every Day.  

They give me the strengh to know that those negative forces can and will be overcome. 

All I have to do is keep hold of the Peace and Joy that I am blessed with and use that strengh to stay motivated in my desire to be part of radical and progressive change in my own small way (for now at least....!)

And that small way, for now, is raising awareness through campaigning, letter writing, giving school talks and blogging (!)

I hope, by the end of this year, I will be doing something more practical, at least towards Animal Welfare as well as continuing all the above.

So, my goal now is to be pro-active and get some readers to this blog!

No more Neglecting the Blog!

 I need readers otherwise this is just a diary of my thoughts, hopes and desires,  rather than a way of reaching out to others who may also share my values and can offer advice and encouragement!

Thankyou for Reading!