Friday, 13 January 2012

Winter Woes, Neglected Blog, Naughty Time!

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to now the difference"

(The serenity prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr)

Well, here I am, 2 months from my last post. I have let that naughty time get away from me. November and December seemed to be very full months and I just didn't seem able to find the time to sit down and write! Goodness knows, I needed to explore my thoughts and type away, but the opportunity didn't present itself and I have neglected the blog!

I have experienced a Wedding; A Birth; 3 Birthdays; 2 Job Applications (and subsequently 2 interviews); A School Christmas Fayre;  An athletics presentation; A Christmas School Play; An unhappy incident at school; Christmas; A visit to a potential new home and business and of course, the start of a New Year!

These experiences have meant that I have been a Birthing Partner (which was surreal!); spent lots of time with Precious Friends and Family; been both proud and distressed; learnt so much about what our future may hold and made most of my Christmas Presents or bought them 2nd hand, both quite time consuming but cheaper and more personal.

All the above has meant I have had to be social, patient, happy, interested, focused and active.
Unfortunately I have found it hard to feel any of those things at times over this last 2 months and have been carrying a deep discontent within me. I have felt that I am "on the edge" much of the time and feel that I have carried on doing what was expected of me, while only giving as much that has sustained the impression of being wholehearted.

I have felt Chronically but vaguely unwell and everything has felt like a huge effort and very exhausting. I believe this has been a symptom of those Winter Woes.

However I feel as if I have turned a corner this week. I still feel a little unsettled because of work issues and also because of the decision we have made to move which has resulted in us getting the house ready to put on the market, a time consuming task, lots of things to pack up and cleaning to be done!

But, I believe that with the New Year, I have emerged from that winter gloom!

The mornings and evenings are still dark and it is cold and can be gloomy, but I can feel the New Spring on it's way, and I can now enjoy what is left of winter without all the business of the Festive Season and what that involves which is, frankly, tiring!

It is a glorious day today, we had a pretty heavy frost last night, and  it has been a beautiful morning, the sun is out and the sky is blue and I am reminded that the most exciting time of all is the shining here and now and to embrace the simplicity of life rather than to focus on what feels difficult.

I am plagued with the knowledge that there is so much wrong with the world. Today I am worried about the birds because it is due to get colder over the next week. My thoughts are NEVER far away from the outrageous abuse of animals in factory farms and laboratories and I continually feel desperate sadness for my fellow human beings for whom finding anything beautiful in life is almost impossible, and many of those individuals live in my, yours, our community.

But I know that if I allow this awareness to overwhelm me, I will continue to find life exhausting and be unable to embrace those moments of joy.

So, I will continue to strive to be pro-active, compassionate and generous of spirit and to do everything I can towards making positive changes in those issues I feel passionately about.

I know I have to accept that I can only do what I can. My energy resources are, sadly, not as extensive as I'd like. Physically I feel fit and healthy, but my emotional energy resources are easily drained and I need to factor that into my plans!

With so much happening this year, I may be restricted in what I can do but I just need to be realistic with my goals, Not set myself up to fail, and most importantly, Not to let other people down by enthusiastically agreeing to something that I probably won't have the time or energy to do!

Hence, the Serenity Prayer says it all.  Make a Mark on the world; Make a Difference; Make an impression; Matter; Contribute to Change and Don't let Uncertainty hold you back.  Listen to your instinct and Heed your Values and Beliefs......... Just don't drain your resources doing it.

Seize Opportunity
Dream Big
Have Hope and Vision
Believe in the impossible
Live each day as if it might be your last
Connect with Nature
Strive to Make a Difference and
Listen to your Heart, Mind and Body

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